I’m Back! Sort of ..

I’m back after taking a long break from this space. I just needed a mental and emotional health break.

But I’m back to talk about what happened during my hiatus.

After my laparoscopy I fell into a rut because I was feeling hopeless and pretty much useless. I can’t understand this myself because my operation with Dra. Sua Lao was successful and I healed properly and well. Being on this IVF journey is excruciatingly lonely and has made me very insecure. All positive outlook of me becoming a mother went out the window and I was full of doubt and fear. I didn’t want to start another cycle because if the last one didn’t work..what will make it work this time?

It took me 1 year and 8 months to gather up the courage again which sounds weak and foolish because I’m already 36 years old but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

A couple weeks ago Andrew and I went to Taichung to visit Dr. Maw Sheng Lee at the Lee Women’s Hospital for a consultation. During the 2 days we were there we had to do fertility bloodwork, a hysteroscopy, a mammogram and trans V check up. The hospital there is like a very organized circus haha. So many patients, staff and doctors running around.

I was nervous about the hysteroscopy because I didn’t want another problem hindering this cycle. But thank God my results were good. The doctor actually said my uterus was “nice” haha

Anyways, after 2 days of tests we were finally given our medication for our IVF cycle!!!! I was so happy to given a big bag of medication and needles! I am doing a long protocol this time with birth control, aldactone and supremon in my first cycle then Gonal F ( 450 IU & 900 IU) and Menopur ( 225 IU ) in the next. So basically I am looking at being back in Taichung in November for retrieval and hopefully implantation.

I am still nervous. Scared. Pessimistic. Stressed. Angry. Sad. And lonely. But I feel less defeated. And I am learning to trust the process. I am trusting my new doctor and putting everything in His hands.

I am praying every single day. Not only for a successful IVF cycle and healthy eggs but for acceptance. I have so much anger and hurt inside of me that I can’t seem to let go off. But I am learning and trying my best to look forward. My new motto in life is to Hope for the best but prepare for the worst. 👍🏻

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